... and You Say, "NO WAY!!!"
The first question people ask my husband (The Hearse Driver) when they find
out he drives a hearse as his regular car is "What does your wife
think?" His reply is always "She thinks it’s great!" I am
always astonished that people seem to think I should have a negative opinion
about this. As if I should control what kind of car he drives.
We came to the decision to buy a hearse in a roundabout way. After totaling
his beloved Honda CRX, we had to find an affordable mode of transportation. The
term "Norton motorcycle" came up a few times. This made me uneasy,
fearing my husband would become an organ donor on the I-5 freeway one night on his
way home from work. I grew up around motorcycles, and know that with the right
equipment it can be a safe sport. But on the highway, safety also depends on the
other guy on the road as well. My husband began searching for coaches on the
internet. Once I saw that they were very reasonably priced and most have
incredibly low mileage I thought. "Why not?" Three tons of steel
surrounding him instead of just a fiberglass helmet seemed MUCH safer. Besides,
we had our wedding in a mortuary, what would be more natural?
We found a beautiful 1970 Cadillac Superior side-loader for less than $4000
and it had only 33,000 miles on it. How many people can say they bought a Caddy
for less than $4000? It all made economic sense to me and it’s the car he
always wanted. (Well, until he finds that ’59 Cadillac sideloader he’s been
dreaming about.)
So we bought a hearse. It’s an elegant ride and a great car at a great
price! You can haul almost anything in it and it’s a great conversation
starter.
How does our family feel about it? My 95 year old Grandmother calls it our
"van" and wants to go for a ride. My mother thinks anyone who doesn’t
like it "has a problem with death." My dad just laughs whenever we
talk about it, and my mother-in-law calls it "That hearse business."
Having a hearse is not for everyone, but if you can handle a few
inconveniences it could be for you:
1) Being in demand at Halloween. You will be invited to every party in town
on Halloween night when you drive a hearse.
2) Be prepared for poor gas mileage. If you are currently driving a Suburban,
the gas mileage with a hearse is comparable, but the ride is more elegant.
3) People will look and people will stare! But people also stared when I had
my ’67 Mustang 289 fastback "Bullitt" car. All classics attract
attention. Enjoy it!
4) What will people think? They’ll think you own a hearse! It’s a car,
that's it.
5) Parking can be a problem. You should have a very long driveway or large
parking spaces available if you reside in an apartment complex. When we go
shopping or to a movie we tend to park ours at the far end of the parking lot.
But it’s always a great ride getting there!
The LADY HEARSE DRIVER
