|
| |
|
|
|
|
...Well then, your gonna need a hearse!
There are some things you're gonna want to know before you buy one...
|
|
|
|
They ain't easy to find. |
|
|
"Used hearse lots" are not on every corner and most owners wouldn't
part with theirs' for the world. But you can find one if you know where and how
to look.
The first, and easiest, way is to check the classified ads in your
local paper. Once in a blue moon you'll find one.
Another way is to contact the mortuaries in your area and ask if they are
looking to sell theirs. If they are about to buy a newer model they may sell you
their old coach. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
And, of course, there is the internet. There are dealers, auction sites, and
online classifieds. The trick is to find one in your area, be willing to travel,
or pay for shippin'. Some sites that may be helpful are on the Final
Links page under Hearse
Companies.
Another hearse finding method is to do a search of the words: hearse,
hearses, hearst, hearsts, hurst, hursts, herst, hersts on the search engine of your
choice. I recommend METACRAWLER,
DOGPILE,
FAST
SEARCH, and MAMMA
as they search many engines at once.
Finding a hearse may be difficult, but it's not impossible.
|
|
|
|
Repairs and restoration. |
|
|
Unless you are exceptionally lucky, your coach will require repair and/or
restoration. Although engine parts for hearses are no more difficult to find
than any other car of the same year, hearse specific parts are another story!
Items like glass, bier pins, landau bars, and the like are a royal pain to find.
If you do find them you will probably pay some serious dinero. Again, I have
included some resources in Final
Links and don't forget the auction sites. An alternative that some
folks use is to buy parts car in addition to the one your restorin'. This is
usually WAY cheaper than the individual parts, but make sure you're replacin'
bad parts with good an' not bad parts with worse!
|
|
|
|
It's a BIG car! |
|
|
Driving a hearse isn't like driving a Honda. This I know from personal
experience! Your average coach is about 21 feet long and weighs around 3 tons. U-turns
will be a thing of the past unless you have 3 lanes to turn in. Forget about
parking anywhere near where you want to be! It takes a lot of room to park one
of these compacts! These are wide cars too! I can almost sleep
comfortably lying on the front (only) seat. That being said, the way parking
spaces are painted, you will probably take up 2 spaces when parking and
you will stick waaay out. By the way, parallel parking takes beaux coups
practice and preparation. Don't try it alone!
|
|
|
|
Miles per gallon? HA HA HA HAA HAA HAAAAAA! |
|
|
Sorry about the maniacal laughter. Before I bought my baby, for fifteen years
I drove a '85 Honda Civic CRX HF (The HF stands for "high fuel
economy"). I bought the car new and drove it until 1999 when it was put on
the permanent disabled list in a head on collision. On average I got about
40mpg. My beautiful coach (Which I would never part with) averages 11mpg.,
15 on the highway! Another thing you'll find, if you buy an older
hearse, is that your ride will not run well on regular unleaded gas. Knock
knock, ping ping! You will probably have to run it on supreme and even that's
not enough! You'll have to add either an octane booster or lead substitute (or
maybe both). I've been running mine with STP Lead Substitute every-other fill-up
and
have been getting excellent results. Remember that octane booster or lead
substitute will add between $1.50 to $6.00 per tank of gas.
|
|
|
|
Mean bastards. |
|
|
I haven't yet been the victim, but I've heard the horror stories. Neighbors
complaining to the police. Police ticketing and towing hearses as abandoned.
City councils passing laws forbidding the parking of hearses on
streets in residential areas. Employers firing hearse owners for driving their
coach to work. I've been lucky so far, but beware.
|
|
|
|
STUPID comments! |
|
|
You will always get stupid comments! "Aren't you scared to drive
that?" "That's morbid!" "Is there a body back there?"
And EVERYONE will ask you why you have one!
|
|
|
Now if your willing to live with all of that, your a true HEARSE
DRIVER!
Since buying my coach I've met more friendly and interesting people in one
year than in all years before owning it. Anyone who is interested in hearses,
classic automobiles, goth, or things that are a little unusual will strike up a
conversation. I've had excellent experiences with the PHANTOM
COACHES HEARSE CLUB and it's a blast to just cruise and turn heads. I
wouldn't trade it for anything. Well... maybe a '59 Eureka. Got one?
The HEARSE
DRIVER
|
|
|
|
|
